to be praising in the valleys and mountaintops

a night of fustration

i cant take it anymore. starting i dont have any problems, but now probably i do. i feel so trapped here, always thinking of what they are feeling. it overwhelms me. if i tell myself dont think about it, i feel bad, like i feel like i just gave up on them.but when i decide to think about them, like, should i do this... do that... if i do this, what will they feel?neglected?insulted?happy?what best makes them happy?i get so fustrated that i need to think of all this. yea its good for him to release but its a burden for me cos i have to be the one who looks like the bad guy, trying to prevent them from finding out, them being unhappy of something that i could have helped avoid if i tried harder, persisted longer. im fustrated with myself. why cant i handle these feelings, brush them aside? this whole thing is turning me upside down. makes me unstable.

But i cant calm this choppy ocean, but i now know my God can.
when i am worrying so much, it kind of let me ask myself, whose strength am i really depending on? who do i really trust. initially i trusted myself, used my strength but of course You had more than me.
I was thinking of solutions for God unconciously when God doesnt need my solutions.
He has the greatest.