for I have put my trust in You.
Show me the way I should go,
for to You I lift up my soul.
Psalm 143:8
Dinner yesterday night went quite all right. I learnt something from it, maybe thats why i felt it was important to go, i somehow see God's hand in this.
i didnt feel the need to keep "pleasing" people when i didnt like the way they talked to one another by exchanging unkind words, to the degree that you dont know whether they are serious about it or not.
i didnt feel the need to always be in the midst of some conversation that i wasnt comfortable with, unlike the old me which would have talked, just for the sake of not wanting to feel excluded.
the old me would feel flustered that i couldnt find something/ add interesting things to the conversation.
the old me would feel very concious when ppl started taking pictures without me
the old me would feel left out when they talk about their jc lives, when they dont bother to share with me even if a unsure look was on my face.
God's presence was there with me that night, i felt calmness, even when i was just watching them talk away.
i didnt feel the need to do anything that i felt was 'fake' just to be in the midst of their conversation.
Looking back, i know why the dinner was important spiritually.
God was putting me in a place that i cannot ignore what i feel anymore, and just come straight, that i dont want to please them.
its also like a glimpse of isolation that is ahead of me. when i am flustered, God's calmness washes over me.
thank You Lord for showing me so many things, and for a few real friends who were there, and cared.
Thinking back on the last 2 days that the sudden dryness, stuffiness came, and now that i'm back standing on God's truth again,
i learnt that when God starts to open my eyes more, me grower stronger in Him, and when there is greater intimacy,
satan is afraid and wants to break down, sow doubt, destroy.
satan is afraid when a sincere prayer is said
satan is afriad when friends gather together and share the deep parts of their heart because he knows, thats when us, warriors are united and ready to fight for God
tripped down to tampines today:)
my strength is in You alone Lord
