What can distance do to us?

i really dislike it when i read soppy posts
i think its sad for the ppl to read it, it's that helpless feeling that you can't really reach out to them even when u know such deep things in the heart
but sorry, i just cant help it now, here.

what can distance do to us?
i keep asking this qn over and over the past year but everytime i try to push these thoughts out
but tonight, for no reason whatsoever, my eyes get hot and the tears come as i think and think and think

what can distance do to friendships
what can time do to friends
i know i will (hopefully!) be there in the end, after these what, 5/6 years? but i dont just want to be in the end.
i know this sounds selfish, but i dont just want to be at each other's weddings, smiling, shaking hands, but not know what the process of everything was.
i must sound selfish now thinking that my family's over and there's still things that i want, but thats the qn i keep asking myself.
i dont want to just know you did well for your a levels, how your family is every now and then, how birthdays went, what you guys did, know you guys went on to ns and not be there to support, not to see you all every sunday/friday, not to be able to share your troubles, thoughts, burdens, happiness, feelings.
i dont just want to be in the end-product and be strangers, not knowing what has happenned behind the scenes.

i want to be involved, in the process of all these transitions. these are the things that are gonna be a pillar in our friendships.

i dont know anymore

I don't want to say i regret this, moving here, but i kinda feel that way sometimes.

i want to call you guys up sometimes and just talk and talk and talk, about life, destiny, troubles, family, school, people, happy things
but i can't

sometimes i struggle, fb is a good way to connect , i totally agree
but sometimes i feel that the distance is amplified even more, the fact that i have to see the pictures, to know that i wasn't there to share the happy day/event

don't get me wrong, I am happy when i see those pictures
Happy, thankful to God for these beautiful ppl that i love, that they are reaching their milestones in their lives. these happiness that they're experiencing

so maybe you can judge me and say that im being selfish, that i cant have 2 things at the same time, that im greedy, but

i really really long for that physical presence, that we can link arms and go to kpoitiam
the times when we pray and cry with one another, for our generation
the sound of singing and worship when we all stand shoulder to shoulder and praise God together

But above all, aside from all these things,
i do know that God watches over these friendships, that
He knows all our thoughst and desires

perhaps this is just a weird, bad moment of me getting all confused
and took my eyes off God

this is a moment when i fluttered, wobbled, and forgot that my two feet are still in God's hands
that its just me overthinking

i miss everything

but i believe God sees
when i scramble like this in the dark, He knows where im heading

so i want to trust in Him, no matter how unbelievable it seems to me right now
Trust. this one word, seems always so easy to say
but yet so difficult to do

i love You God